be thankful

how can i be thankful?
after all I just wrote..
.
.
.
Lord. I want to thank Thee
for all love You gave me
for all my sin paid on that cross
for all the blood pouring out from the nailed hands

for all my life
my stupid life

for all You gave to
this stupid shitty me
Im just so worthless
so worthless to be saved

that from past untill now
I keep making You sad

Sorry God.

But still I thank You for all I am now.
for my life
though I know I keep failing You..
I know You're always be there.

Built me God.
Touch me heart.
I want You.

my life nowadays..

my life sucks.. or feelin like a shit..
i was thinkin on which title should i write..

ok, this is holiday.
it should be fun

ok, i know.. as a pious Christian.. i shouldn't complain.
i shouldn't tell s****, s***, or whatever..
i know that I should always be thankful that I always have one God that always be there for me, loves me, that I just needed accept Him in my life..
but really.. i really feel like shit now. this really sucks.

may be I just havent tried hard enough to find Him.

may be I just havent sacrifice enough of my selfish self to reach Him

may be not may be.
allright, it's true
or whatever

im just too tired of all this
of all anxiety over my future
of all screwed thought of what I like, what I want, what I can, so I can decide to continue on which course n which university should I pursue..

moreover, tension given by parents keep asking where i'm going just nerve wreckin me
moreover sistas keep bullying me
moreover ive got no friends indeed
moreover people just keep smokin
moreover mom n granma keep sayin whatsoever
moreover house atmosphere is so not nice! keep u to anger!whatever!
moreover..
moreover..
moreover.. it just will never stop when u start to complain.
so dont believe whatever i write above.
its not true.
its just stupid complaining side of me who wants to complain whatever not actually the way it is complained (confused huh?).
moreover, i dont think i have reader on my blog.
lol

wherever path u take,
whatever it is,
u know that there's always GOD with u right?
so what am I exactly worrying at?

but, all comes from me...
Im just too confused within myself.

my university life sucks..
its environment..
lessons?
people?
overall.. its just sucks
man, i cant study like this
im not maximizing myself

should i move?

should i stay?

God never gives bad things to us right?
Whatever He give, is the best for us.
That's what we believe.

But somehow..
I feel like being told to do what I want by Him
whatever it is, He always be there for me.
"I will fight with you," He said to me.

But where, God?
where we'll be fighting together?

Untill I find the destination,
this's just s****

...

I want to find U, God!