Sabtu, 05 Juli 2008

be thankful

how can i be thankful?
after all I just wrote..
Lord. I want to thank Thee
for all love You gave me
for all my sin paid on that cross
for all the blood pouring out from the nailed hands

for all my life
my stupid life

for all You gave to
this stupid shitty me
Im just so worthless
so worthless to be saved

that from past untill now
I keep making You sad

Sorry God.

But still I thank You for all I am now.
for my life
though I know I keep failing You..
I know You're always be there.

Built me God.
Touch me heart.
I want You.

my life nowadays..

my life sucks.. or feelin like a shit..
i was thinkin on which title should i write..

ok, this is holiday.
it should be fun

ok, i know.. as a pious Christian.. i shouldn't complain.
i shouldn't tell s****, s***, or whatever..
i know that I should always be thankful that I always have one God that always be there for me, loves me, that I just needed accept Him in my life..
but really.. i really feel like shit now. this really sucks.

may be I just havent tried hard enough to find Him.

may be I just havent sacrifice enough of my selfish self to reach Him

may be not may be.
allright, it's true
or whatever

im just too tired of all this
of all anxiety over my future
of all screwed thought of what I like, what I want, what I can, so I can decide to continue on which course n which university should I pursue..

moreover, tension given by parents keep asking where i'm going just nerve wreckin me
moreover sistas keep bullying me
moreover ive got no friends indeed
moreover people just keep smokin
moreover mom n granma keep sayin whatsoever
moreover house atmosphere is so not nice! keep u to anger!whatever!
moreover.. it just will never stop when u start to complain.
so dont believe whatever i write above.
its not true.
its just stupid complaining side of me who wants to complain whatever not actually the way it is complained (confused huh?).
moreover, i dont think i have reader on my blog.

wherever path u take,
whatever it is,
u know that there's always GOD with u right?
so what am I exactly worrying at?

but, all comes from me...
Im just too confused within myself.

my university life sucks..
its environment..
overall.. its just sucks
man, i cant study like this
im not maximizing myself

should i move?

should i stay?

God never gives bad things to us right?
Whatever He give, is the best for us.
That's what we believe.

But somehow..
I feel like being told to do what I want by Him
whatever it is, He always be there for me.
"I will fight with you," He said to me.

But where, God?
where we'll be fighting together?

Untill I find the destination,
this's just s****


I want to find U, God!

Kamis, 05 Juni 2008


my external hard disk has just fall down.

it becomes broken.

cant b used.

June 6th, 2008.
Middle in the night, I’m writing. Stumbled, I try to wake up. Coz I don’t know where I’m heading. I think now what I’m thinking are :
- I’m not sure if multimedia really is my way.
- Coz I don’t have enough of the talent?
- Coz I’m not creative enough.
- Coz this thing emphasize more on skill
- My brain is more capable to do other lefty things.
- My other talents better, wasted.
- See my high school results.
- I can just take short course for this.
- It doesn’t value anymore if I can’t go Japan/USA.
- Can’t learn enough here.
- Not maximizing myself
- Frustrating environment.
- Limkokwing is not good.
- I barely learn anything in 1 year.
- My brain’s not filled up and freeze. Empty.
- Pity my body. Sleep late.
- Only slacking. Lost motivation.
- I started to think I don’t really want this.
- Started to think those visual things are just visual, not real, only for fun.
- Not really useful.
- Unclear prospect.
- Low salary.
- I want to do something really having more impact in environment.
- I can do architects, economics, maths, engineer, but why this.
- Can I really help the poor ones with this?
All things are just feeling up my brain.
Feel headache.
Help me get out of my brain and make REAL decision.

Kamis, 17 April 2008

OH insects!

Blog oh Blog

I just finish eating my food- fried rice with minched pork- cooked by Nilla, my housemate,, yay! nice lo, nice! thanks Nilla!

and, it is
(baca: KECOAK-pake K yg banyak klo perlu)


Haha,, disgusting!!
really, hate it so much.

yesterday, we (me, Nilla, n my room-mate) 've been cleaning the whole kitchen with all our efforts. Woo hoo! It's clean n tidy now!!

even, we buy coackroach trap and set it last night.

today we see in the 1st rack of the cupboard consisting spoons etc, there're a lot of cockroaches kids! Think they just hatch. YUCK! No pity for them. Take out the rack, and SPRAAAAAAAAAY!!
die.die.die. you filthy cockroach!!

they're not dying!!
the insecticide not working! grr..
spray more.
they die!
MUAHAHHAHA (evil laugh)

sometimes also feel pity that we killed them (nilla is the one always spray- i can't stand the smell of insecticide- suffocating me!).. we killed animals!!
coz i feel guilty if i kill animals.. vegetarian wanna be me.
but i can't.
still like 2 eat chicken la.

Did I mention that there're just too much insects in my unit?
-oh wait- i think it's the whole apartment.
my friend said we can create insect museum here, lol.
ya, there're ANTS a a a a a a a a a a t my room!!
yuck yuck yuck
kill kill kill
killer instict is always exploding when i see them.

Mosquito also.
but luckily, there's no more mosquito since my last roommate left.
think my blood is too bitter! lol.. no laa,, coz of d fogging of course.

oh ok, feelin like doing blog, this blog is loooooooooooooooong already--not that long, lol.

c u next blog,,
hate disgusting insects!
my apartment's ecosystem doesn't need them,, think soo..

Sabtu, 01 Maret 2008

the forgetful me

u can call me granny, lol..
in additional, i used to be called granma during my highschool days due to my performance as grandma in the play.

last 2 week on friday i lost my drink bottle in toilet.
the following monday i lost my drink bottle (again!!) in foodcourt.
i don't wanna buy anotha drink bottle!! (grr--but i need 2.. grauul..)
around that week, i left my key in my room so i can't enter my room and hafta pay 10 RM (grr!)
and not to mention, i so often forget to take something or anything from my room n just rememba afta i left my room (anotha grr!!) (lol, what's with da-rememba-afta-anotha?!-lol)
and the dumbest of all, I LEFT MY FRIEND'S TRIPOD IN THE MONORAIL.
it's expensive stuff n moreover, it's my friend's la.. feel so bad..
sob sob sob sob sob sob

but she's not angry! wow.. so nice a person,, but still i need 2 find replacement!!
gotta find part time job! em.. is it allowed in here 2 do part time.. grr.. wanna do.. i'm the sweetest girl (lol,, the song by wayne what..,, is it..)

gotta do typography la 4 now,, afta finish my comic n sculpture,, woohoo..
work hard, work hard!!
u too~~
ciao ;D

Minggu, 24 Februari 2008


heeheehee... hihihi...